How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays

With the holiday season upon us I feel like we could all use a little holiday pep talk of sorts.

First off, how is this time of year for you?

Are you leaning into the most wonderful time of the year or have you already anxiously started your countdown to 2024?

Maybe, like me, you are somewhere in-between.

Stuck between the childlike wonder that still manages to swell within my chest as I look upon my Christmas tree, while also feeling the weight of expectations and struggling with how to celebrate this year.

As you navigate family and friends and boundaries galore, don’t forget that other people don’t have to approve of your plans or the way you choose to spend your time, or who you spend it with.  

Yes, this even applies to your family.

Actually, this especially applies to your family.  

In fact, in the coming weeks and beyond, each time you set a boundary and are given the choice between disappointing yourself and disappointing someone else, I challenge you to disappoint them. 

I would love to own this profound reminder, but it is absolutely inspired by one of my fave quotes by Glennon Doyle:

“Every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.” 

I remember chills running down my spine the first time I heard her speak these words as I listened to her audiobook of “Untamed”

I rewound it and listened to it over and over.

It was almost as if some existential piece of my own self-awareness clicked further into place each time I took in those words.

When it comes to boundaries, I think this can be some of the most challenging elements of establishing and maintaining them.

Especially with family members, and particularly during the holidays.

I’ve lived in a different state from my own family for almost a decade and this has always been something that trips me up like no other.

And if you’re anything like me, the thought of disappointing someone is probably not very high up on your wish-list.

But I’m guessing disappointing yourself isn’t either.

I’m also guessing you do the latter far more often.

So let’s stop that, okay?

This year we’re putting an end to disappointing ourselves just to accommodate others.  

Please know I am not putting this lightly.  I am fully aware of how fucking hard this can be.  I am also aware of how fucking powerful it can be as well.

Here are a few little tips for you to keep this reminder present in your mind  throughout the holiday season:

• Write it on a sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror. 

• Set it as your lock screen on your phone.  

• Assign it to memory and repeat it as a mantra on your commute to work, as you brush your teeth, or while you’re waiting for your dog to pee in the morning..

• Write it on a piece of paper and use it as a bookmark in your current read. 

However you choose to help yourself remember it, remember it.  Give yourself permission to breathe it in, allowing self-compassion and grace to expand throughout your body.

This time of year can be beautiful and painful.

You are allowed to do what is right and aligned for you, even if that means disappointing someone else.

You got this!

XOXO,

Sammy

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