8 Reminders for Holding Boundaries with Your Loved Ones During the Holidays

It’s the most wonderful time of the year...

Tis’ the season for candy canes, high expectations, and family drama, right?

Like so many, its likely that you will be traversing the joy of the season alongside your family members at social gatherings and get-togethers, which don’t get me wrong, can be what makes this season bright, but sometimes it just has us praying for a silent night as well.

Okay, I promise I’m done with the holiday puns now.

I think we can all agree that although it can be a beautiful time of year to connect with our loved ones through traditions and time spent together, it can also be a time where tensions and expectations are at an all time high.

This is why, especially during the holiday season, it is so important to be clear about your boundaries.

First of all, remember that when you set a boundary you’re doing it for yourself, not them.

If somebody else doesn’t like or approve of your boundary or it doesn’t work for them it doesn’t mean you have to change it.  Even if it’s your family or a close friend.  Even if it’s your mom or your dad or your best friend.

Even if it's tradition or the way things have always been.

It’s okay to make changes, set boundaries, and interact in different ways this season in order to create emotional safety and put your needs first.

I think something that we don’t talk about enough with boundaries but is a totally normal experience is that it might feel awkward, weird or uncomfortable to have these conversations or set boundaries with people.  Especially when it means doing things like changing plans and traditions, which will likely change and impact other peoples experiences.

And we can hold space for our own discomfort and acknowledge/empathize with the fact that this will potentially create discomfort for other people, while still hooding firm in our boundaries.

If you resonate with this, here are 8 reminders for holding boundaries with your loved ones during the holidays (and beyond):

1. You don’t have to change your boundary just because your family expresses disapproval.  Your boundaries are just that yours.
2. It is okay to say no.  Sometimes it is necessary to say no and you are not obligated to justify it when you do.  
3. Your boundaries are ultimately up to you to maintain.  Of course there are absolutely extenuating exceptions to this, however, what I see people getting caught up with the most when working on boundary implementation is placing the responsibility of upholding and maintaining their boundaries in other people’s hands.  If you do this your boundaries will absolutely not be upheld.  It is up to you to stand firm in and advocate for your own boundaries.  One of the key elements of this is being impeccable with your words and consistent in your actions around the boundary.
4. Use “I” statements.  When communicating your boundaries and feelings around them with your family, remember to utilize "I" statements such as "When you talk about politics I FEEL uncomfortable" vs. "You MAKE me feel uncomfortable when you talk about politics"
   
5. Give yourself permission to be flexible. It’s okay if in the past something felt good and this year it doesn’t (and vice versa).  Meet yourself where you are.
6. Use clear, direct communication.  When you’re establishing and maintaining your boundaries it is important to speak clearly when you are communicating your boundaries and the expectations around them.  If you are not clear about them with yourself first, it is likely not going to be conveyed in a clear way to your loved ones which makes it both more challenging to uphold for yourself, and also harder for others to follow and respect.
7. Trust your intuition.  Your body will know when a boundary is being broached or crossed.  Trust that feeling in your gut.  Honor it.  Allow it to gift you the awareness that you may need to make an adjustment to a boundary or that you yourself may need to show up in a different way.
8. Be aware of and respect your own limits.  Give yourself the space and time to identify what feels aligned for you and respect what your body and mind tell you when it comes to setting and maintaining your boundaries (with yourself and others too!)

I know this time of year can sometimes (often) bring about lots of stressful relationship dynamics with family and friends, but taking the time to turn inward, prepare, and be intentional with how you set and uphold your boundaries can be an incredibly supportive process in eliminating some of this stress and overwhelm.

If you’re reading this thinking “fuck yes I need this but I don’t even know where to start” I would love to offer you a complimentary 1:1 coaching session where can chat about ways to start to implement these practices into your own life and relationships today! Schedule yours here!